I(f) (hope) you are reading this and I am gone, please don't find me. I am better off erased from this world. I had given up. Happily accepted I learned that to move forward is to erase and move forward. To say rewind instead is to be selfish and define a hypothetical where we both know we are going to fail ourselves miserably. I gave up a long time ago, to say I met you is a happenstance, lest we call it a serendipity because if granted a second chance, you would pass me by and I would not know if it was you or your voice that suddenly called to me.
In hindsight, we are hurting, crying and breaking down in so many ways that we cope in different ways. Finding another one or someone else to soothe your pain, though that is my selfish overthinking of ways could possibly be true too. Holding onto a better tomorrow for you have such great fortitude that today was just a test. Everything else in between was a real inbetweener. Overwhelmed you might be with tomorrow and never be needing a hand is perfectly fine too. If I am making you angry by writing these things out, yeah, I got your attention, again. Not to worry, I have surrendered myself out there for my erasure. I have a funny feeling you are not missing me anymore and erasing myself completely is a far better solution for the both of us. Scary, don't be. I learned my lessons a long time ago. I don't want to find myself again in these cases and be left off on my own to just go quietly in the cold.
You absolutely hate me, you don't want anything to do with me and washed your hands off me so I am perfectly fine where I stand. Nowhere near you, nowhere near to hold onto and nothing to smile for I am long gone by the time you are reading this. My mind completely has gone off the deep end. The last place is to know there is false hope that somehow I am caught in a mistake and a broken heart deal. I learn there is no better betrayal than knowing it was all a fluke than the real thing. Trust was gone when you told me about how you had walked out behind my back. Trust was gone when you called me out as a monster. Trust, the very fiber of what made it unhappily inextricable way of forgetting. I am better off hurt and gone than knowing all the bad feelings will go away because of a sorry.
I have given up hope. I want to fall back down into the depth. I just want the bad feelings to end, truly. So this is not where I say goodbye but a chance for me to finally start all over again and see to it I make it through the promise and be on the other side this time around. That's all.
In hindsight, we are hurting, crying and breaking down in so many ways that we cope in different ways. Finding another one or someone else to soothe your pain, though that is my selfish overthinking of ways could possibly be true too. Holding onto a better tomorrow for you have such great fortitude that today was just a test. Everything else in between was a real inbetweener. Overwhelmed you might be with tomorrow and never be needing a hand is perfectly fine too. If I am making you angry by writing these things out, yeah, I got your attention, again. Not to worry, I have surrendered myself out there for my erasure. I have a funny feeling you are not missing me anymore and erasing myself completely is a far better solution for the both of us. Scary, don't be. I learned my lessons a long time ago. I don't want to find myself again in these cases and be left off on my own to just go quietly in the cold.
You absolutely hate me, you don't want anything to do with me and washed your hands off me so I am perfectly fine where I stand. Nowhere near you, nowhere near to hold onto and nothing to smile for I am long gone by the time you are reading this. My mind completely has gone off the deep end. The last place is to know there is false hope that somehow I am caught in a mistake and a broken heart deal. I learn there is no better betrayal than knowing it was all a fluke than the real thing. Trust was gone when you told me about how you had walked out behind my back. Trust was gone when you called me out as a monster. Trust, the very fiber of what made it unhappily inextricable way of forgetting. I am better off hurt and gone than knowing all the bad feelings will go away because of a sorry.
I have given up hope. I want to fall back down into the depth. I just want the bad feelings to end, truly. So this is not where I say goodbye but a chance for me to finally start all over again and see to it I make it through the promise and be on the other side this time around. That's all.
Comments