If you are reading this and have discovered me by now, a wish...no more so of an intention I no longer want to walk on this plane. This week with some sleight of hands out there shone some great silver linings of which I want to say was right if anything but. In other words, terrible days just kept on piling as if it was never going to stop except for some nights where I was able to keep a smile for little periods of time. Manic depression, kind of goes with my first name as if, right? Narcissist but also funny, ain't that a trip? But seriously though, I'm exhausted.
My mind bouncing back and forth with the crazy and the fatigued. There seems to be a lot of that going around these days, but somehow it is okay to live through it. It is a lot to take in, but the notion of moving in and out of my head is never going to stop. In fact, it will just keep going until it puts me out of misery.
Being struck by lightning, not once but twice and even then indirectly, reminded me if a third should hit let it be a direct one. I pass on the idea that somehow there is a quiet conversation in my brain of what the world would look like should I vanish.
The conversations I have with my best friend reminds me of how much he is willing to kick my ass from beyond the grave. Deep down, he will break down, hard. I am one of his great men on his list of great men in his life. He and I have hung out a few times of which he loves to hang out with and I too with him. Just like so of my folks he is one of those men who will wonder why. To which I have to explain to him when we meet on the other side, it's because there is a better place out there. Though insufficient in explanation, I look to this kind of moment as if it was time to let go of someone you knew wanted to let go then you have to let go. I love him to death as my best friend, he's one who's got my back for nearly two decades now so between he and I that is not a trade to be taken lightly. The very thought of neglecting him will be there as it was a decision self(ish/less) I made. Not a day though that passes by when we talk he feels neglected. That is a real friend, by the way, to say friends are being ignored is pitiful when one knows those real friends can see you for who you are.
The song and its lyrics, it is not to desecrate its importance, though for every line that is sung there reflects a part if ever the universe decides to twist the knife before the plunge is made this would be the song to play. For all that has happened, there is no anger or any form of resentment as this song I sing to it's a reminder that even in times of the unthinkable or the unimaginable does not happen it actually does.
Being gone is a wound that takes an eternity to heal. Time and perseverance, though mighty in appearance as warriors of the universe one can dare to attempt a form of communication for the two to somehow fall apart, it will not be in this generation or the next they fall. From unexpected to untimely to doing it together there is not to say that one should have never gone through with it but they did it.
If I am genuinely gone by the time you have read this and nothing is said in between now and then there really was not much to say at that point. Dare to overthink of what I want to say is moot because well, I have been plagued. The thoughts of negativity have taken residence, but as someone told me today, it is essential to know what they want but to never give them a quarter. Stick to the script, be gone, and the world will move on just like the hands of which it was cleaned upon to ensure there was no more touch. I am tired, world and these days looking at the edge of things seem to be the most therapeutic approach of which I can assure I will find myself again in a better place, right?
My mind bouncing back and forth with the crazy and the fatigued. There seems to be a lot of that going around these days, but somehow it is okay to live through it. It is a lot to take in, but the notion of moving in and out of my head is never going to stop. In fact, it will just keep going until it puts me out of misery.
Being struck by lightning, not once but twice and even then indirectly, reminded me if a third should hit let it be a direct one. I pass on the idea that somehow there is a quiet conversation in my brain of what the world would look like should I vanish.
The conversations I have with my best friend reminds me of how much he is willing to kick my ass from beyond the grave. Deep down, he will break down, hard. I am one of his great men on his list of great men in his life. He and I have hung out a few times of which he loves to hang out with and I too with him. Just like so of my folks he is one of those men who will wonder why. To which I have to explain to him when we meet on the other side, it's because there is a better place out there. Though insufficient in explanation, I look to this kind of moment as if it was time to let go of someone you knew wanted to let go then you have to let go. I love him to death as my best friend, he's one who's got my back for nearly two decades now so between he and I that is not a trade to be taken lightly. The very thought of neglecting him will be there as it was a decision self(ish/less) I made. Not a day though that passes by when we talk he feels neglected. That is a real friend, by the way, to say friends are being ignored is pitiful when one knows those real friends can see you for who you are.
The song and its lyrics, it is not to desecrate its importance, though for every line that is sung there reflects a part if ever the universe decides to twist the knife before the plunge is made this would be the song to play. For all that has happened, there is no anger or any form of resentment as this song I sing to it's a reminder that even in times of the unthinkable or the unimaginable does not happen it actually does.
Being gone is a wound that takes an eternity to heal. Time and perseverance, though mighty in appearance as warriors of the universe one can dare to attempt a form of communication for the two to somehow fall apart, it will not be in this generation or the next they fall. From unexpected to untimely to doing it together there is not to say that one should have never gone through with it but they did it.
If I am genuinely gone by the time you have read this and nothing is said in between now and then there really was not much to say at that point. Dare to overthink of what I want to say is moot because well, I have been plagued. The thoughts of negativity have taken residence, but as someone told me today, it is essential to know what they want but to never give them a quarter. Stick to the script, be gone, and the world will move on just like the hands of which it was cleaned upon to ensure there was no more touch. I am tired, world and these days looking at the edge of things seem to be the most therapeutic approach of which I can assure I will find myself again in a better place, right?
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