Previously on the last post about the end of life and the circumstances around it. Justifying reasons behind it as if there was another point of view to which the orthodoxy is considered should be a typical response. To which I found, there was a disagreement in the sea of normalcy, and as unusual as the circumstances were behind it the fact of the matter was that it is justifiable to see the means to an end that is meant to be. Knowingly, one of the people I grew up listening to in the early 2000's was his one year death anniversary as it is this year is one of my classmate's ten year death anniversary. I miss my classmate as well as my idol. Differences in their nature sure along with their circumstances but it was in their shared demons there was a similar feeling that we saw each other in the circle. Yes, we knew help was a loose word, we reached out, and we drowned but somehow here I am, and they are not. Angry? Yes! Livid! Most definitely but here I am pouring my glass out to them giving them cheers to another life lived.
Basically, the conversation boiled down to the idea that it was about sometimes knowing that no matter how much you pull them in your life all it takes is a single push to let them free fall to their end. To hold them against well their will is selfish and to which is downright imprisonment. For who is to say they are happy to be out of their shells and into something else? No one can and should. To say there was control in their lives to make sure they were never going to commit to their actions is selfish and beyond egoistic. It takes one to know these things. Get angry, livid, or worst do everything to push because it's all that it takes to know there was no more to be done. Being driven is enough, and there is nothing left to be pulled in. Being labeled as the monster, the one who will raise their hand because it was a gut feeling and there really was nothing special, it was all put out there. To feel all those was a through and through.
When I lost my friend a decade ago because of an overdose, it was due to depression. Wracked with guilt I didn't know what to do, I still don't to this day because of losing her to something with just a simple conversation could have changed her life, but it was out of reach. I could almost say the same thing with my idol, but with them, I would never know. I remembered having a future was something of a beautiful dream, but it's just a dream now. To forgive, is to be left in bereft because what was there, to begin with? I knew heated exchange happened and as far as things go, it's okay to end things for good. To justify there are ways to say to move on, well this is a way.
One of my favorite writers for Hannibal described the breaking of a teacup and how it is no longer plausible for it to be mended again because of the way the universe intended it to be. That is how it is viewed, to say it will hurt, yes. Why did I deserve to be a monster? I fell down on my knees crying wondering how it was possible? Giving everything up to being there. To never ask anything much just to be just a selfless individual regardless of being damaged goods or having baggage it was okay. Looking in the eye was just as important, but I suppose it's no longer pertinent.
It's not fair to live in this world where one's feelings are but misconstrued and misused. Giving a hand is to inflict harm; being communicable is to be clingy, and being selfless is just to be a jerk. There is no place for people like us. For who is to say there should be someone to hold you back to keep them in place selfishly when they are just there for their self-interest and not yours. These days it's all about them, not about you. It is good to have priorities in life but when selfishness seems to court the purpose of this place there was nothing, to begin with, and to just end it for good seem to be a plausible idea.
There is no anger, just resolve. There is no grudge, just compromise. There is no yelling, just dreaming. Get angry, be livid, or do whatever it is deemed to be okay to just push. There is not much of a pull to keep me in place. To say there is, thank you for trying. It is depressing to know what hurt looks like but really it is in knowing these things give perspective where it is needed.
Basically, the conversation boiled down to the idea that it was about sometimes knowing that no matter how much you pull them in your life all it takes is a single push to let them free fall to their end. To hold them against well their will is selfish and to which is downright imprisonment. For who is to say they are happy to be out of their shells and into something else? No one can and should. To say there was control in their lives to make sure they were never going to commit to their actions is selfish and beyond egoistic. It takes one to know these things. Get angry, livid, or worst do everything to push because it's all that it takes to know there was no more to be done. Being driven is enough, and there is nothing left to be pulled in. Being labeled as the monster, the one who will raise their hand because it was a gut feeling and there really was nothing special, it was all put out there. To feel all those was a through and through.
When I lost my friend a decade ago because of an overdose, it was due to depression. Wracked with guilt I didn't know what to do, I still don't to this day because of losing her to something with just a simple conversation could have changed her life, but it was out of reach. I could almost say the same thing with my idol, but with them, I would never know. I remembered having a future was something of a beautiful dream, but it's just a dream now. To forgive, is to be left in bereft because what was there, to begin with? I knew heated exchange happened and as far as things go, it's okay to end things for good. To justify there are ways to say to move on, well this is a way.
One of my favorite writers for Hannibal described the breaking of a teacup and how it is no longer plausible for it to be mended again because of the way the universe intended it to be. That is how it is viewed, to say it will hurt, yes. Why did I deserve to be a monster? I fell down on my knees crying wondering how it was possible? Giving everything up to being there. To never ask anything much just to be just a selfless individual regardless of being damaged goods or having baggage it was okay. Looking in the eye was just as important, but I suppose it's no longer pertinent.
It's not fair to live in this world where one's feelings are but misconstrued and misused. Giving a hand is to inflict harm; being communicable is to be clingy, and being selfless is just to be a jerk. There is no place for people like us. For who is to say there should be someone to hold you back to keep them in place selfishly when they are just there for their self-interest and not yours. These days it's all about them, not about you. It is good to have priorities in life but when selfishness seems to court the purpose of this place there was nothing, to begin with, and to just end it for good seem to be a plausible idea.
There is no anger, just resolve. There is no grudge, just compromise. There is no yelling, just dreaming. Get angry, be livid, or do whatever it is deemed to be okay to just push. There is not much of a pull to keep me in place. To say there is, thank you for trying. It is depressing to know what hurt looks like but really it is in knowing these things give perspective where it is needed.
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