Someone told me once they claimed loyalty as a feature in what they see with other people yet the same time I spoke to another who mentioned those who proclaim something have nothing to hold stake in which their claim is based on. Diametrical in their view I soon favored the latter over the former because for what is loyalty when the trust is gone. In a depressed mind, it is the sweet disillusionment people had to ensure they were sought out. For it was in the latter we learn there is a sense of being able to come clean in which one must do to preserve their value.
Loyalty is but a scheme to realize when they are of no use it is okay to walk away without the other knowing it. Was it all a lie? Was any of it true? It is what sets off the path to those who deemed themselves to be loyal to their following they say they have become sellouts or worse that they find that at the end of the line where there is comfort in deceit and pleasure in fabrication. It's okay to lie as long as the other person being lied to is driven to their edge and find themselves they have no value anymore to the other person because they know that person was as invaluable as the day they met them.
In a depressed mind this is the currency of the ultimate betrayal where it becomes clear as day where they take their things and stare into the abyss. The mind is repeatedly abused and messed to the point of where they find themselves irreconcilable they learn their way of life is no longer best spent running away but just ending it. It's not a faulty feature it's one gets used to. Messed up as they come, it is because they already were.
To say it does not work like that, talk to the maniacal deprssed and see what they think. For it is the immovable object that is dancing slowly and stuck in a hard place that knows their end well better than those that say they can keep them and be a better person with them. It's a familiar feeling all too well and when the end comes they won't be there, they either run as an excuse or pretend they were hurt by them even though no pain was inflicted at some point spent in their time. Turning their back is just as that too but it is the one who runs that claim they were loyal to them at the end even if they had hurt them before.
It hurts standing depressed knowing what was considered as loyalty was a complete farce and to that it is so hurtful. It reminds the mind how often it is okay to just take a leap off the edge. Meanwhile, the other will always live but the one who took the leap is but a footnote in the furthest pages of one's life as if they never mattered in the first place. Knowing the mistake a decade ago, knew it cost the loyalty also the integrity of my character to someone I held in high regard to. Today, I have become a so-called monster I was described by someone whom I trusted dearly that I would bring pain and suffering. Accepted it became the notion to cling to because it was more truthful. What better way to slay the monster than to erase themselves of their existence, right? No need for encouragement, or talking them down on it. It was in their best wishes they ought to be hated absolutely. It is easier to hold a smile and keep it in a frame than to tell them they were in love and let their feelings be known because it was only a game to hurt. Because what kind of person walks away behind their back claiming they were loyal to them only to say it was a lie and nothing more.
It hurts still and the depression it brings out the worst in it. Hoping for a better ending, that is asking the abyss a pillow to sleep onto when they break their fall. Getting mad and berating will never solve anything as it is but the push they need to exacerbate till there is nothing left. Days to go... not long now.
Loyalty is but a scheme to realize when they are of no use it is okay to walk away without the other knowing it. Was it all a lie? Was any of it true? It is what sets off the path to those who deemed themselves to be loyal to their following they say they have become sellouts or worse that they find that at the end of the line where there is comfort in deceit and pleasure in fabrication. It's okay to lie as long as the other person being lied to is driven to their edge and find themselves they have no value anymore to the other person because they know that person was as invaluable as the day they met them.
In a depressed mind this is the currency of the ultimate betrayal where it becomes clear as day where they take their things and stare into the abyss. The mind is repeatedly abused and messed to the point of where they find themselves irreconcilable they learn their way of life is no longer best spent running away but just ending it. It's not a faulty feature it's one gets used to. Messed up as they come, it is because they already were.
To say it does not work like that, talk to the maniacal deprssed and see what they think. For it is the immovable object that is dancing slowly and stuck in a hard place that knows their end well better than those that say they can keep them and be a better person with them. It's a familiar feeling all too well and when the end comes they won't be there, they either run as an excuse or pretend they were hurt by them even though no pain was inflicted at some point spent in their time. Turning their back is just as that too but it is the one who runs that claim they were loyal to them at the end even if they had hurt them before.
It hurts standing depressed knowing what was considered as loyalty was a complete farce and to that it is so hurtful. It reminds the mind how often it is okay to just take a leap off the edge. Meanwhile, the other will always live but the one who took the leap is but a footnote in the furthest pages of one's life as if they never mattered in the first place. Knowing the mistake a decade ago, knew it cost the loyalty also the integrity of my character to someone I held in high regard to. Today, I have become a so-called monster I was described by someone whom I trusted dearly that I would bring pain and suffering. Accepted it became the notion to cling to because it was more truthful. What better way to slay the monster than to erase themselves of their existence, right? No need for encouragement, or talking them down on it. It was in their best wishes they ought to be hated absolutely. It is easier to hold a smile and keep it in a frame than to tell them they were in love and let their feelings be known because it was only a game to hurt. Because what kind of person walks away behind their back claiming they were loyal to them only to say it was a lie and nothing more.
It hurts still and the depression it brings out the worst in it. Hoping for a better ending, that is asking the abyss a pillow to sleep onto when they break their fall. Getting mad and berating will never solve anything as it is but the push they need to exacerbate till there is nothing left. Days to go... not long now.
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