Parson James Only You
It has come to my attention that there are things I want to run away from but sometimes the scariest thing about running away from them is they eventually catch up with you. Hence, the confrontational phase exists of which it should make things easier. Right? Therein lies the challenge we face even in the depressing stages of life. At this point, throwing hands up in the air is the most seemingly visible form of exercising the very right of which you choose to live, but even that's not an option. Therefore staying in a fight to see who walks away first is ideally it should go, BUT it is not. The man (or the woman) that stays in a fight is not the winner but is the one who knows how to walk forward. No matter how insignificant let alone how they feel insecure, they are the ones who stare death in the face even if it's a yard away. So even in this depressive state, is it ever going to be easy to push one's self over the edge?
Just the other day, I told someone I ran into a wall and bumped my face leaving a mark on my nose. I told them it was painful, but I laughed. A coping mechanism for the depressed, funny right? To laugh at your mistakes, and own to it you made one. However, as the story went by the inner narcissist took over to mention how I maintain this decrepit, worn visage over the years is one too much to handle. But then I digressed, advising beauty is more than skin deep. It was then the topic of insecurity was brought on the idea about it. I told them, it's okay to have insecurities in life because nothing is for sure but to never let it define the way one lives let alone tear you down. For every day, critics will criticize, and people will rip foundations around your ideas, but it is your integrity that defines you from everybody else.
Just like that, the topic diverted again to a different life where I thought of a change that was inevitable. For to push is to force aside as it is to pull is to draw in closer, and I wanted to draw in closer the feeling I had. However, as to say it was misconstrued and misused it was unintentional. To draw apart from the mistakes. Hiding in plain sight people vanish, for what was once there, is gone now...but I digress.
It was in this discussion integrity defined those who stand up for knowing change is where it should be and only be within you. I am the maniacally depressed, conflicted and destructive bipolar chipper chap that walks so depressingly happy under a lovely rain in the middle of the day. And to know what it's like to be thunderstruck is a perfect feeling because I know it all too well. 79 days and I am counting down where my head will take me, forgive my bitchiness but there are things even in the corners of where my mind will take me.
As far as insecurities go the very thought of what it is like to not continue walking off the edge would sound so befitting if only my mind had made up long ago I knew it would be time. It's a simple push of the button after all and from there it's all about finding out where it will take you to the end again. Then again I found the edge a long time ago...
It has come to my attention that there are things I want to run away from but sometimes the scariest thing about running away from them is they eventually catch up with you. Hence, the confrontational phase exists of which it should make things easier. Right? Therein lies the challenge we face even in the depressing stages of life. At this point, throwing hands up in the air is the most seemingly visible form of exercising the very right of which you choose to live, but even that's not an option. Therefore staying in a fight to see who walks away first is ideally it should go, BUT it is not. The man (or the woman) that stays in a fight is not the winner but is the one who knows how to walk forward. No matter how insignificant let alone how they feel insecure, they are the ones who stare death in the face even if it's a yard away. So even in this depressive state, is it ever going to be easy to push one's self over the edge?
Just the other day, I told someone I ran into a wall and bumped my face leaving a mark on my nose. I told them it was painful, but I laughed. A coping mechanism for the depressed, funny right? To laugh at your mistakes, and own to it you made one. However, as the story went by the inner narcissist took over to mention how I maintain this decrepit, worn visage over the years is one too much to handle. But then I digressed, advising beauty is more than skin deep. It was then the topic of insecurity was brought on the idea about it. I told them, it's okay to have insecurities in life because nothing is for sure but to never let it define the way one lives let alone tear you down. For every day, critics will criticize, and people will rip foundations around your ideas, but it is your integrity that defines you from everybody else.
Just like that, the topic diverted again to a different life where I thought of a change that was inevitable. For to push is to force aside as it is to pull is to draw in closer, and I wanted to draw in closer the feeling I had. However, as to say it was misconstrued and misused it was unintentional. To draw apart from the mistakes. Hiding in plain sight people vanish, for what was once there, is gone now...but I digress.
It was in this discussion integrity defined those who stand up for knowing change is where it should be and only be within you. I am the maniacally depressed, conflicted and destructive bipolar chipper chap that walks so depressingly happy under a lovely rain in the middle of the day. And to know what it's like to be thunderstruck is a perfect feeling because I know it all too well. 79 days and I am counting down where my head will take me, forgive my bitchiness but there are things even in the corners of where my mind will take me.
As far as insecurities go the very thought of what it is like to not continue walking off the edge would sound so befitting if only my mind had made up long ago I knew it would be time. It's a simple push of the button after all and from there it's all about finding out where it will take you to the end again. Then again I found the edge a long time ago...
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